So you've got the pollo but don't have a rotisserie

This happens all the time. Even those of us that have rotisseries from time to time find ourselves without. Such is the river of life. You say, "Well what will I do when I am up river without a rotisserie?" You get creative. If you are mechanical in nature, there are many options at your disposal so read on. If you are not mechanical and you are in a pinch and simply can't read on...get yourself an indirect fire going in a grill or pit or whatever...take a beer can, open it, drink at least half, jam the can 3/4 of the way into chicken's arse, put it in the middle of your fire surrounded by coals, add coals as needed, and wait for it to get good and crispy with a high internal temp, and serve her up with your remaining cold beers.

If you are still reading it means that you are either very interested in seeking all of life's truths, you don't have a fire, you don't have a way to make fire, or you don’t have beer. Whoever you are, we have the total Pollo plan. For instance, apartment dwellers have several unique circumstances that many would think would prevent them from achieving and enjoying Pollo Perfection........we say woe unto thee the reader that cannot relate to being without all the tools of fire and industry at their ready disposal. We're just messing with you suburb guy, but really, it is a serious question, how can you make truly convincing Pollo a la Brasa without the Brasa or the fire for that matter? We think it is possible. There are a few products that are out there that help people in situations like this. We will try to point out a few, but please, let us know if there are any tools or methods that you employ to overcome and triumph that we have neglected. We will do follow-ups as necessary to this post providing the latest updates from the community.

For Rotisserie 'substitution', we have developed a priority list that we use when we are in a situation where our rotisserie and grill are less than optimal. Think of it as a Pollo al Brasa Survival List. So let’s get on with it.

Pollo A la Brasa Survival Checklist

Have a Rotiserrie and a Grill

• You are in business. Skip ahead to the recipes. If you find an ingredient you don't have, chances are we have included substitutions--Good Luck.

Have a Grill, but no Rotiserrie

• If you are a crafty one, you can fashion a rotiserrie: Here is a link to building your own rotiserrie from parts.--Good Luck.
• If you are not that industrious, you can buy a whole kit here. The last time we checked, it was around $35...not bad if you think of it in terms of it paying for itself with years of delicious Pollo.
• If you don't have $35 or don't want to wait for shipping...we get it. In this situation, we recommend the beer can method. If you do not have a beer can, skip ahead. If you do, then pony up...this is easy. Prepare your chicken according to the recipe. If you have a Charcoal or Gas Grill, prepare it for indirect grilling. If you do not know what indirect or direct grilling are, read up on it here. Open a can of beer, drink or (gasp) pour out half of the beer. You could also potentially use this discarded beer in your recipe depending on said recipe. This would undoubtedly complete the circle of life and Technicolor birds will start circling and tweeting the old Pabst Blue Ribbon theme song around your head. If this lasts for more than six hours, call your physician. After the tweeting has diminished, stick the can 3/4 of the way up the arse of your seasoned chicken. Place the chicken, with a thermometer planted into the thigh, on the center of the grill or opposite your coals depending on your setup. Make sure you have a drip pan. Follow your recipe, but chances are, you want to get the bird slightly above 170. Once the bird is done, serve it up with the usual suspects, and maybe the rest of that 6 pack. If you need a more detailed description of the Beer Can Method, click here.

Have a Grill, but no Rotiserrie and no beer

• You don't have a spare can of beer in your house? ...really? How are you going to survive the apocalypse? Oh well, sad for you and yours when Post-Apocalyptic-Joe-Dirt shows up to fix your generator only for you to find out that he fixes generators only for beers OR blow jobs. Ok so you don't have beer and we haven’t totally offended you...we've got to assume you have a can of soda or even a soup can. If you do, you are in business. In either case, you will need to consume or discard all of the contents and rinse the vessel. Rather than use beer, you will need to fill the can half-way with water, chick broth, wine, some of your marinade, or a combination depending on what you have available. Don’t worry about getting too carried away with flavor here, your bird will already have plenty of flavor for the recipe.

Do not have a grill or have access to a grill

• We've all been there...this is not a huge problem. We think in situations like this, the best people to look to are the apartment dwellers of Manhattan. These are some crafty people. Perhaps some apartment dwellers can post comments and share you indoor tips. Of course there are the commercial countertop rotisseries. And sure you can use them and chances are it will be quite good. But if you did, you would probably not be reading this. We generally feel like these contraptions take up too much counter space, are too expensive, and focus on too specific of a task to be much use in a small kitchen. That being said, if you have the counter space, cook a lot of chicken, and have no use for a grill, this may be a great solution for you. One that comes recommended by many of our apartment dweller friends is the Convection Microwave. This combo oven can be used as a microwave, a convection oven, a grill, or any combination of the above. Not only are they great multi-taskers, but they are usually fairly compact and reasonably priced considering that they replace at least two of your appliances. They also happen to be great at cooking Pollo a la Brasa with the Convection/Grill combination. Otherwise, if you have a typical kitchen oven setup, you are in business too. Pre-heat your oven to 350 degrees making sure to remove racks to allow enough space. Cook the chicken for about 45 minutes, and then begin monitoring your internal thermometer. When it gets close to a 160-165 internal temp, crank your Broiler. Keep an eye on it. This will take between 5-10 minutes, but you will need to be extra vigilant so as to not burn the chicken. Dig in and enjoy.